What inspired me to write this isn’t something that keeps bothering me in the past and keep on reminiscing ’bout it, nor even the various love stories of anyone. It’s just, it’s a gloomy day today and I am bored to never do anything today. Also, VDay is somehow approaching. I see so much plans and sweet moments from my social media accounts being done by my friends (from which I am used to). There, I came to thinking what might be my plans on the 14th if ever I have this ‘significant other’ of mine? Gross. But, wala e. I am not looking for one cause I can always wait- sa tamang panahon.
I once fell in love. I was once brave to conquer and fight for what I feel. I was once a fighter for the man I loved. But like any other story, one chapter closes as another comes in. But the chapter that had closed was a nightmare. It was indeed a breaking part of me—a story that devastated me from the inside.
The love story I had was once a dream-come-true to me, for I finally knew how it felt to love and be loved. I’ve experienced how was it to be taken care of by someone special [aside from the people I used to be with]. Fulfilling it was to have someone’s shoulder to cry on, someone’s hand to hold (despite my sweaty palms), someone’s face to stare and special occasions to celebrate. It felt like I was a princess and there was this handsome prince waiting for me to the road towards forever.
Like any other fairy tale, this came to an end… but not a they-lived-happily-ever-after kind of story. As the denouement has come, we’ve settled paving two different paths. He has found someone new, felt madly in love with her. And me, left standing at the same sphere. I chose to still continue the life I have, accepting all those changes including his absence. There, I realized, feeling his absence burns me from within. Hurtful. Yes, extremely. This ‘heartache’ relatively changed me. I was melancholic, introvert– I don’t wanna talk to anyone most of the time. During those times, I never had a day without even thinking of him, wondering what might have been if nothing has changes. I wondered if.. was it me who made our relationship gone? Was it me who changed? Was it me committing the mistake? There were so many ‘what if’s’ at the inner side of me. I kept telling myself, confiding myself that everything’s gonna get well! Everything will settle for good and my heart will gonna mend the broken pieces. AND I WASN’T WRONG. Trully, time heals a broken heart.
Every princess isn’t inevitable to pain. Every princess has her own story of tragedy, a heart breaking part of the tale. But I’ve learned so much from this tragedy of mine (considering I am a princess- of my own story). I became stronger and braver. When before, I was afraid to show the world the blessing I’ve got through him, now I know how to be transparent. When before, I never know how to manage my time wisely, now I’m beginning to recognize the precious value of time. When before, I was immature and childish, now, I am looking at things at different and deeper perspectives. These are just few of the many things I’ve engraved into my mind. From there, I’ve got closed fist which indicate fine spirit. Kinaya ko!
And today, I believe I am ready for whatever it is that the destiny has written for me [yes, I believe in destiny]. I believe that when the time has come for me to be ready to fall in love again, everything will be magical… That I’ll be going to find romance at the deepest ocean of life. I’m gonna have someone I can call mine, only mine. I’m gonna have someone I can spare these special feelings I have preserved for the longest time. I’m gonna have someone who will invest the same feelings I am willing to do the other way around.
As another chapter of my story is about to come, I believe that God will reveal the perfect man who I deserve. I know that God knows what’s inside my stupid heart. He knows my zealous desires. He knows everything about me. He’ll reveal who must be knocking at the door of my heart in THE RIGHT AND PERFECT TIME.