From the bottom of my broken heart (An Excerpt from the past)

Found this from somewhere. Kalkal pa.

This is me accepting that you’re leaving. It’s my acknowledgement that there’s no further argument to make, no angle left to take, no plea or bargain I could ever wager that could get you to change your mind and stay. This is mu subtle resignation to our downfall. This is the crack running between our two young hearts that turned into a valley and engulfed us. It’s my acceptance of all I couldn’t bridge.

This is me knowing that we don’t get a do-over-not on the last time I was beside you or the last time I told you I loved you or the first moment I felt us start to drift apart. I know we cannot always get to go back in time for me to do the things I should’ve done–embrace you tightly, love you stronger, make conversations with you on random stuffs. I should’ve invest much time to you so our relationship wouldn’t turn out cold.

This is me knowing that I can’t rewind history and say sorry for my mistakes, for those times I almost neglected your presence, did not devote much more time to be with you. I failed to be the girlfriend you expected me to be. This is me knowing that we cannot just get to go back.

This is my acceptance that I’m going to miss you. That there are going to be nights where  I’ll curl up in bed with the thickness of my notes and a warm cup of coffee and your absence on my side is a chasm that swells and envelopes me. That for a long time, I am going to see you everywhere–in my windows, along the hallways, in the faces of strangers, in the photos and memories that tear on my heartstrings for days after you’re gone.

This is the realization that missing you is going to become a second heartbeat in my body, strong and thrumming in all inside of every place where you lingered and then left. These are my weakened vital signs, beating out of sync with your for a while.

This is  me knowing that I have to let you go. That no matter how much I love you or how hard we work at this, or how badly we both want each other to be happy, we need to part ways. This is my acceptance that the best things aren’t always straightforward and that I want you to take whatever crooked, twisted path you need to take if it will lead you towards your dreams and happiness–even if it means seeing you being embraced around the arms of someone else.

This is me knowing that I have to do what’s right. That sometimes, the best things you can do for someone you love is to let them go–to do more, feel more, be more than the person they could ever have become by your side. Cause sometimes, seeing the most genuine smile in the face of someone you love is one of the best things you could ever witness.

So this is me unclasping my fingers. This is my parting, my reluctance, my heartache and my final GIFT to you.

From the bottom of my broken heart, this is me letting you go.

I am going to miss you, L. Take care.

Seeing this after almost five years, must I say: I have grown up.


3 thoughts on “From the bottom of my broken heart (An Excerpt from the past)

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