There comes a time when a stranger comes into her life and burns her from within. He will continue to burn her even when he’s gone. He’ll change her perceptions of things, the way she views her world. There’s no assurance that he’ll forever be by her side to see her grow each day. What’s sure is that, because of him, she’ll never be the same person again.
Actually, she is writing this out of nothingness. She doesn’t know how to put this into words, how to syntax each fragments. She is tapping the keyboard without thinking how would this go. Things lately are sinking, vanishing and greatly UNFAIR. He came into her life, brought memories with happiness, efforts that made her feel special and all of a sudden, he’s gone.
It gets worse. He’s being a part of her system each day. She’s clinging onto him, seeking him each minute.He let her get used having him anytime and anywhere. Like no matter what happens, he’ll always be there. He’ll catch her when she falls, make her smile when her world is falling apart. He cut the miles into meters. And by these–in one way or another–he is gradually changing the whole lot of her.
She just wants to speak on behalf of many people who have changed since meeting someone. Yeah sure, we change everyday through experiences and lessons but it is not suffice compared to how another person can open your eyes to the radical world. He/she will change you, your perceptions of things, the ways you see life.
Before she met him, she thought she was so sure of herself. She was so sure of her dreams. She was so sure of the world. The prejudices and expectations that she imposed on every person, on everything was thought to be certain and irreplaceable. Unexpectedly, he changed that. She always wanted to change her world, but he was the one who did so. He changed the way she sees her world. She’s so ever thankful of that. He has made her realize that people are layers and layers and layers of secrets. And he’s one of them. She realized that despite how long she talked to someone, how long she spent her precious hours with them, there will always be moments when they will hide a part of themselves to others. They will lie to you eventually. Not because they want to hurt others but rather, they want to protect themselves.
They may not have this clear “something” up between them which would bind the two much stronger. They were not committed to anything. But they did understand how are they related to each one. And through all those times, he has taught her of so much in life. One of the best things he has taught her is that, life is not about being smart, being good at too many stuffs or about many achievements and all. He has proven her even more that the people she loves matter more than everything she wanted in life. He also taught her that time flies so fast; that life is not constant; that life is full of contradictions and she won’t know what cookie she’ll get from the cookie jar life will give her. Lastly, he told her that he feels less of a person when she was around. She doesn’t know why and it somehow turned her heart cold. Perhaps, he is being intimated by her presence. Maybe? Maybe. He might feel he was nothing. But to someone, he means the world.
We always say, “Surprises are better than promises”. Yes. Deciphering its profound sense, she just realized he proved it. Literally and figuratively. In this crossroad of cluelessness, they never promised that forever they will stay because they’re afraid of breaking any kind of promises. That’s why he just surprised her with leaving… without any notice that he’ll go.
She confessed, she looks up to him. He might never felt it, but trust her, everytime she was with him, she felt like a loser as well. She knows they have taken different paths already. But the world is small. Maybe, they’ll see each other in the future some time. They’d never know. While that doesn’t happen yet, all lessons he has taught her will always be her baon for the road ahead.
She knows that he’s happy wherever he is. She may not see it, but she’s pretty sure of it. Clueless, he left her for something/someone that/who will bring him more happiness. Surely. If life would give her a thousand people like him around, it’s a silent way of making her live and then later on, killed.
She’ll stop here. She thanks him, says goodbye and wants him to soar high! He greatly knows her. She’s not tired of being strong. She’s just tired of being left behind.. over and over again.
She’s done. She means this.